And I'm on my knees Looking for the answer

So I have been down and out, searching for answers. I went to the endocrinologist on December 20th to discuss the blood test results. He first said I need to reduce my thyroid medication liothyronine, because my levels were in the higher level, but not out of range. I told him I did reduced them and since, I have have been achy, depressed and weak. He seemed mad and told me the risks of being on too much thyroid meds and told me he could not prescribe that amount because of his membership to the National Thyroid Association. Now, I think it is crazy that patients have symptoms and don't feel well, but since there in the test results show a "normal" level doctors cant increase the dosage. Also I know that higher dosage of meds can result in osteoporosis. But do I lower my dose and feel like shit and maybe get osteoporosis, or raise my dose, feel better now and maybe get osteoporosis, I vote for feeling better.

Then the doctor told me how sometimes he really hates his job and proceeded to explain how Hashimotos works (which I already know and he discussed this with me last time) and hem hawed around. He then told me that when a person has Hashimotos, the body doesn't stop at just the thyroid, but moves to different parts of the body. People who get Hashimoto’s disease sometimes develop other autoimmune diseases, such as:

Vitiligo (vit-ihl-EYE-goh) — a disease that destroys the cells that give your skin its color
Rheumatoid arthritis — a disease that affects the lining of the joints throughout the body
Addison’s disease — a disease that affects the adrenal glands, which make hormones that help your body respond to stress and regulate your blood pressure and water and salt balance
Type 1 diabetes — a disease that causes blood sugar levels to be too high
Graves’ disease — a disease that causes the thyroid to make too much thyroid hormone
Pernicious (pur-NISH-uhss) anemia — a disease that keeps your body from absorbing vitamin B12 and making enough healthy red blood cells
Lupus — a disease that can damage many parts of the body, such as the joints, skin, blood vessels, and other organs.

The doctor told me my the results for the Glutamic Acid Decarboxylase Antibody (GAD) came back at 211.3 the normal range is 0.0-0.5. He told me I will develop type 1 diabetes, but not sure when. The GAD test shows I have antibodies which are attacking the pancreas (killing off the beta cells which make insulin) will eventually result in type 1 diabetes. I was in shock and I froze, so I didnt get to ask the doctor more about this. The doctor, just unloaded this huge burden and said my door is open if you want to come back and left it at that, just walked out the door. I don't understand why he wouldn't order more test results when he saw these high GAD levels. I guess he is a specialist and just deals with diagnosed diabetes, I don't know.

I was pretty upset and went to my family practitioner, I showed her the results and the problems I have been having. She did not know what GAD levels were, she did help me with my joint problems. As for the ovarian cysts, I guess I will just have to deal with those, since I do not want to be on birth control.
I called later and asked her if I could have my A1C checked. They took my blood Friday for that and I have not gotten the test results back yet. I am starting to think I should get a second opinion on this. I am finding lots of information on the internet, but I don't know what to believe. I do have symptoms like hungry all the time, thirsty, peeing all the time, tiredness. I have been checking my blood glucose levels, but not sure what to make of them. I feel lost.

The days following the doctors visit, I have been confused and overwhelmed by the information. I have cried, researched and talked to others on diabetes forums. I want to learn about it, I want to prevent it, I want to be armed and ready. People I have talked to tell me not to worry about it, since I don't have it. The way I feel about it is if this is my sentence I want to know about it, so one day I don't just wake up and don't know what to do. I think I need a second opinion because I have the symptoms.

On the upside, we picked up Cody's cousin and mom on friday and we went to the road home in SLC and picked up Cody's cousins daughters and took them out to dinner. I feel so awful for these kids. They are such beautiful and wonderful kids and to think what they go through at school, or just walking out of the road home, kills me. I am so glad we were able to take them out for a while and spend time with them. They are in my heart and thoughts, I hope the best for them.

Saturday we went to my moms and had dinner, then went to Cody's Grandpa's, his whole family was there. It was very nice to see everyone, we don't see that often. Pinky, Marty, and Daren, played music and we danced. I was so happy for Cody's mom who hasn't spent christmas eve with her family for ages. Sunday we went to my sisters house, nieces, nephews, Grandma, and brother were all there. It was fun, but hectic to see all the kids open there gifts. We then went to my Grandma Griego's, my poor aunt was running late because she had to work. Cody had to leave to take his mom back to Logan :(. It was nice to be able to sit down and talk to my Grandma, I told her what the doctor said and she showed me her insulin she takes, it was a dial type, the needle was small and wasn't so bad. I know she is worried about me, I am worried about her and so many other people in my family. I wish I could stop worrying, it keeps me up at night and makes me more tired. I am glad I had enough energy to make it through the last couple of days. Yesterday and today I am thoroughly exhausted, and confused.

Through all of this recently I have realized how delicate life is. I was so glad to have spent time with family. Sometimes I feel I have to take it all in because it may be the last time I have with them. I miss my Dad so much around this time, I know I have two Dads watching over me.

Hold my hand harder. Ease my mind.

Today I feel as if a bus has run me over. My head hasn't stopped aching, but yesterday I felt a bad one coming on and took an Imitrex. I started to feel just plain weird, my face started to feel as if it were burning, I felt twitchy, dizzy, metallic taste in my mouth. I'm not sure if these were side effects to the Imitrex, it has never happened before, I guess it was a tension headache. I am still feeling like shit today. It's hard to move my head and neck, muscles hurt, and so sleepy. I was doing research on the web and found "The Thyroid/Fibromyalgia Connection" (http://thyroid.about.com/cs/fibromyalgiacfs/a/fibrothyroid.htm) I read on and found I have all but one of the symptoms. I really need to stop doing research because it freaks me out. Then I feel like a hypochondriac.

Some days I wonder why the hell I feel so damn old, why I have these problems. I try to tell myself its all in my head, but the pain and symptoms are still there. I am trying hard to be strong, but sometimes I feel I just don't want to live like this, feeling old, like I cant control my body. It sucks and I just want answers.

Get this weight of my shoulder I've carried it well.

This past weekend was an eyeopener. I had an appointment Friday to get a Echocardiogram or heart ultrasound at the U. We also had to get to les schwab to get our tires changed. We got ready, walked out the door and noticed a flat tire.....damn. We changed the tire and were off to les schwab. We were pretty hungry and so we went to the Mexican restaurant, Cody got a breakfast burrito. I was curious if this gluten free lifestyle was actually working, so I thought maybe I would eat some gluten to see. So I got a breakfast burrito as well. We got our tires done and headed into the city. We were too early for the appointment so we decided to do some shopping. Got some gifts and names off of our shopping list, then we headed to the U. The exam went well, the ultrasound examiner said he didn't see anything abnormal, just a heart murmur, which I knew I have. But he said I will get the final word after the "pinheads" reviewed it.

On our way home we stopped and ate some Chinese food, not gluten free. It was sooooo good, had tons of leftovers and went home. I was just feeling bloated that night. The next morning, Saturday, I got up and moving around, had some leftover Chinese, was feeling OK for a little while, then started feeling really nauseous. It all came up violently. I felt weak, shaky and a little dizzy.

We forgot my meds up at the U and had to go back and get them. I wasn't really feeling like going, but had to. We got hungry and I was still curious to see if other gluten would effect me. Although I wasn't feeling well, I thought maybe the Chinese food was just a coincidence, its not the first time Chinese leftovers haven't set well. Cody wanted to try something new so we were driving down State st. and saw Coatchman's, it has been there for ever. We went in and it seriously felt like we walked into a time machine. Even the people looked like they were set in the 70s. It was kinda weird. The food, I thought was great, old timey, and you got a ton of food for cheap. Cody went to pay and they do not accept debit or credit cards....but they accept checks...seriously who writes checks anymore.

We went to Lehi, did our shopping and went home. I still didn't feel good. Sunday, woke up and felt weak, shakey, dizzy and my hair was falling out again. I don't know if this was all just coincidence, but I really think it was from the gluten. I decided to go on with the gluten free lifestyle. I am hoping something will change. I am having headaches around the clock still, not sure if that's from this weekend or something else. I just wish they would go away. Hope the doctor will have some answers.

It's in my soul, it's what I need.

So long time since I posted. I am still on my gluten free diet, it is going well. My joints still hurt and I have been feeling pretty lazy lately. It may just be the cold weather.

Thanksgiving went great, it was so wonderful to spend time with family. I don't see them that often and for that I feel a bit of guilt. The food was great, I ate what I could and brought some gluten free food.

Last weekend we helped my Grandma put up her tree and decorations. It was such a nice stay, that we stayed 2 nights. We went to Hobby lobby and had a ball. Sunday on our way home I got the chance to take photos of my niece and nephew, Stevie and Cooper. It was fun, I am happy to get the experience. I would love to retake some, some are pretty blurry. It was so much fun.

I finally got my test results back.....alot of labs are high or low. Not sure what to make of it. I did some research and tried to figure it all out, one in particular bothers me. I can't even talk to my doctor about it until the 20th. I like this doctor, but don't like how long his fan-list is.