Hmmmm...

Well I feel I have been in a bubble lately. I have been sick, lost my voice and been thinking of new doctors. Go figure get my nose pierced and 2 days later get a cold. Any who, I like my current doctor, but don't think he is helping me as much as I want. So today I went to a new one. He seemed like he had passion and knowledge about blood chemistry, endocrinology, and could help me with my Hashimoto's disease. I feel I need something new, some breakthrough. I have felt like my body has kidnapped me for more than 2 years now and I am done. I want to be myself again, I want my own thoughts back, I want to be optimistic again. I don't want to have to explain to people why I have tremors or memory loss. I feel I am being left behind. This doctors price tag was pretty steep 6,000$ steep. I know he has customers who come from Indiana to see him and swear by him. How do I know his program will even work. I have a mortgage to pay, other medical bills to pay. If I knew it was a sure thing I would have signed up. But I am thinking about it. I have a different endocrinologist appt. , I will see what he has to say. How many doctors do I have to go to? How long will I feel this way? Shifting from fine, to happy, to sad, to numb, to angry, to scared. I'm looking for a sign, something to guide me to the right decision. I want to find ME again, but in this economy I am so scared to commit to more dept. I am feeling a bit better, even thinking of oil painting again.